I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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