Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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