Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
