In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
