I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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