Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
