Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He kissed a someone with a penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
