thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
