Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
