I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize