wanna go halves on a baby?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
