Only a mothe r could love this liver
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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