Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
