you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
