You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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