your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
