the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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