Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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