I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
