i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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