He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
