hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
