After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
