i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Damn victory sex feels great
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize