you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.