Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
worst night to have a conscience
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.