Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I intend to get homeless drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia