And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize