Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.