Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers