So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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