i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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