I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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