I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
