You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
