This girl is more easily done than said...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
