I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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