i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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