You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
