Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My breasts were aching with rage.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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