think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
