I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
