Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize