I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
