: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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