While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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