so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
