I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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