grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
this is an emotional support booty call
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
