He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
