I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there's paper in my vomit.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
