Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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