I've blown a few things in my day
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I deserve this hangover.
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