Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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