youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
