He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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