Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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