not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
only if we run a train.
done.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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