i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
