so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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