Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
